We probably don’t have to tell you just how important social connection is to your mental health and happiness. But there are tons of reasons why you might be struggling to find your people. Maybe your friend group has grown apart (literally or figuratively), or maybe you just never really found that core group of friends that every sitcom promised you would find by your twenties. Here, Dr. Kirmayer shares how to build deeper bonds in your current relationships and start brand new ones that bring meaning, support, and a whole lot of value to your life.
We know that we are “built” to have meaning in our lives based on our emotional development throughout our lives. Psychologist Dan McAdams writes about the importance of having meaning in our lives, which manifests in generativity in our midlife. Psychologist Lonnie Sherrod has spoken about civic engagement with younger generations and the importance of feeling connected with our community and the world.
Making Social Connections More Meaningful
For one thing, we tend to underestimate how much we’ll enjoy talking to strangers. In one series of studies, researchers asked commuters on buses and trains in the Chicago metropolitan area to interact with a fellow passenger or sit in solitude. They found that those who made small talk during their commute were in better moods afterward than those who sat in solitude. This finding has been replicated in different settings and cities, and it holds for both extraverts and introverts.
How To Communicate With Love (even When You’re Mad)
- In our interpersonal relationships, to be truly connected to others is to share something far deeper than mere acquaintanceship or friendship; it’s to feel a true sense of belonging with others.
- It has also been linked to negative impacts on individual and team performance, not to mention lower levels of life satisfaction and quality of life.
- And when you’re in the prime of your health, you will be the frequent receiver of baked goods.
- I needed to feel more of this thing called connection.
If you close yourself off to pain, you also close yourself off to other, more positive, emotions that give meaning to life, such as love and happiness. Many of us see socialising as something extra—a nice-to-have when everything else is done. But research shows that connection is just as crucial to our well-being as sleep, exercise, and healthy eating. Everyone’s social needs look different, but making time for relationships should be a priority, not an afterthought. Let’s be real – our devices have become both a bridge and a barrier to connection.
A tried-and-true way to do this is to think about things you like to do and then go do those things. Take that boxing class you’ve always wanted to try, check out trivia night at your local bar, or go work in a different coffee shop than your usual spot. Maybe even join a club or sports league in your area (pickleball, anyone?).
Let’s dive into the surprising roadblocks that might be standing between you and deeper connections (trust me, I’ve stumbled over most of these myself at one time or another). Start by believing that most people are open to a friendly moment of connection. Trust that your friends will appreciate your attention, gratitude, support, and kindness.
And you are happy to take the call because you care to hear what they have to say. This same person is someone who you would be happy for if they called to tell you something really great happened for them. You are interested in their well being, whether it be good or bad. Then, we must put in the effort to make the most of these relationships so they stay strong and healthy. And luckily, just as we can eat healthier and exercise to boost our health, there are things we can do to combat loneliness and feel more socially connected. The type of connection she describes includes and transcends the level of our minds to encompass the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of our being.
Research confirms that we like others who disclose to us, and we like people as a result of disclosing to them. Making highly negative or sensitive self-disclosures may backfire unless you have already had a foundation of mutual trust. You’ll most likely feel it in your gut if an interaction’s more meaningful. Maybe you’ll leave the conversation feeling lighter or more grounded. A good way to infuse more meaning into your interactions is to be a little more present and intentional. Also when you’re talking to someone, slow down and really listen.
The Adviser uses the legendary scientific Gottman Method to help you understand what’s really going on in your relationship—and gives you exactly what you need to improve it. Gottman found that at the dinner table, masters bid as many as one hundred times in a ten-minute period, while disasters engaged each other only sixty-five times. None of us are perfect at accepting all of our partner’s bids, but the masters are better at it than the disasters.
Participants did feel awkward during the conversation, but much less than they expected. Participants also underestimated the extent to which their partner was interested in the conversation. It sounds like a potentially awkward conversation, right?
When we’re young, all we want is someone to play with. But at our core, we still need to laugh, have fun, and joke around. Building meaningful connections is key to personal growth and happiness. Whether you want to strengthen old bonds or make new ones, there are ways to do it.
Gottman refers to bids as “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Bids can be small or big, verbal or nonverbal. They might take the form of an expression, question, or physical outreach. I sat there, is wingtalks legit proudly listening to him explain the intricacies of his role on the mammography team. I felt connected to him, wondering why I’d never cared to ask him about his work before.
A shared love for something can evoke a mutual conversation topic and lead to a deeper connection. That takes a lot of your mental energy away from putting in the work you should be doing to deepen the relationships you do have. When we approach relationships with the same efficiency-driven mindset that serves us so well in business, we miss the beautiful inefficiency of authentic human connection. Those meandering conversations over coffee, the comfortable silences, the spontaneous heart-to-hearts – they’re all gloriously “inefficient” and absolutely essential.
